the brief
the second muso-flavour karosong, and an exploration of the relationship between gordon and the karo energies
Just could never feel, the 4th karosong to start channeling, started on the guitar by 'finding' an interesting chord sequence based around a B-minor chord. When lyrics started, they sounded autobiographical, and I first thought the song would be about . . . well, call it the peculiar challenge of being an idiot musant.
when i was younger back once
music was all i dreamed
i tried to play i tried to sing
but They said. . .
that i - i - i would never feel the music
that i - i - i would never sing the songs
looking back, i hate to admit i listened to them
just nobody said They could be wrong
But as more lyrics came, I started to see the song as about my overall experience of starting to channel this music and the opening to my inner being that came with it. At the same time, the energies started taking some factual license with the story, in order to abstract out the mythic core of a big lesson in self-awareness — how what others say can change our lives.
and every time i tried
those voices were there to deride until
finally even i - i - i believed
that i - i - i would never feel the music
that i - i - i would never sing the songs
so i finally just stopped the trying
i rather think you'd have done the same
You're right. That's not an earth-shaking revelation (even with the Bachman-ish st-st-st-utter, the song's musical signature). It's just Self-Awareness 101. But the emotion behind it was soul-shaking. Every line in the lyrics triggered a pain and longing that I'd had little conscious awareness of.
and so i learned to hide
the truth i felt inside
i learned i learned to deny
my soul, for. . .
inside i could so feel this music
inside i could so hear these songs
just like bells across the mountains
so tantalizing yet so far
The song ended up with several verses but there was no chorus per se, although I did think of the second half of each verse (with the stutter) as a 'chorus form'. Of course, like any good motivational self-awareness tale, the song ended up with a "rah rah go team!"
but somehow through all those years
this little voice still rang inside
when chapin sang mr tanner
it would cry
you can so feel the music
you can so sing the songs
let us in let us in and
we will be the truth you are
within and without
For a long time, the only track I had against the spokesong version of this song was Yanni's Highland, which I also had as a potential asynchronous partner for the 11th karosong, It was a gift. (In fact, for a while, I thought both songs might use the same async track, that that was the point, to show just how adaptable the lyrics were.)
But the more I'd worked on It was a gift, the more that Highland became it's distinctive track. Eventually, I found / started working with Yanni's In Your Eyes and it solidified as the track for this song.
But In Your Eyes was much longer than the 1.0 lyrics. After figuring out where to place the spokesong verses, there were large gaps in the vocal near the middle and at the end. When they filled in — making this a 2.3 karosong — I found it had moved into a whole other level.
for you are the channel
that's the role we prepared you for
and yes we are the singers
but it's together we are karo
That new level was about the relationship between myself as the channel and the energies I was channeling, and how “karo” came out of the relationship. And it was a two-way dialogue. In the middle large block, the energies are singing to me as the channel. But in the last gap, it becomes the channel singing to the song's audience.
and that's my truth inside
the truth i am inside
i am just the channel and
they are the singers and
together we are karo
Post-script
Just could never feel was the first second phase song I worked on updating during the emergence of the full karo in 2020. Even after all the intervening years, the emotional resonance of the song still grabs and holds me.
v 1.0
Just Could Never Feel
an all original 1.0 karosong
-- 1 --
when i was younger back once
music was all i dreamed
i tried to play i tried to sing
but They said. . .
that i-i-i would never feel the music
that i-i-i would never sing the songs
and sure looking back, i hate to admit i listened to them now
just nobody said they could be wrong
nobody said they could be wrong
-- 2 --
and every time i tried
those voices were there to deride until
finally even i-i-i believed
that i-i-i would never feel the music
that i-i-i would never sing the songs
so i finally just stopped the trying
i rather think you'd have done the same
-- 3 --
and as you might expect
the dream began to die
you would too if you were
ignored
if nobody not even you shared the dream
if nobody not even you dared
and without a dream what are we?
doesn't matter
i just gave it all away
-- 4 --
and so i learned to hide
the music i felt inside
i learned to deny
my role
i learned to deny my soul
for. . .
. . . chorus forminside i could so feel this music
inside i could so hear these songs
just like bells across the mountains
so tantalizing . . . but so far away
-- 5 --
but somehow through all those years
this little voice still rang inside
when chapin sang mr tanner
he would cry
that i-i-i can so play the music
that i-i-i can so sing the songs
let me out let me out and i'll teach feeling
feeling the music flow
let me in let me in and i will show you
show you the truth you are inside
-- 6 --
through all the difficulties
somehow hearing that voice
somehow knowing
kept me going until
came the night i finally heard the music
came the night i finally sang the songs
came the night i finally found the key
so elusive all these years
and that key was me
deep inside where i was free
deep inside where I’d never stopped dreaming
that i-i-i can damn well feel the music
that i...
2.3 lyrics
. . . opening credits
Just Could Never Feel
a 2.3 karosong with
In Your Eyes by Yanni
oh — and not to forget
the usual suspects
you all know who I mean
these marvellous musicians
-- 1 --
when i was younger back once
music was all i dreamed
i tried to play i tried to sing
but They said. . .
that i would never feel the music
that i would never sing the songs
and sure looking back, i hate to admit i listened to them now
just nobody said they could be wrong
nobody said they could be wrong
-- 2 --
and every time i tried
those voices were there to deride until
finally even i believed
that i would never feel the music
that i would never sing the songs
so i finally just stopped the trying
i rather think you'd have done the same
-- 3 --
and as you might expect
the dream began to die, well
you would too if you were
ignored
if nobody not even you shared the dream
if nobody not even you cared
if nobody not even you dared
and without a dream what are we?
doesn't matter
i just gave it all away
-- 4 --
and so i learned to hide
the truth i felt inside
i learned to deny
my role
i learned to deny my soul
for. . .
. . . chorus forminside i could so feel this music
inside i could so hear these songs
just like bells across the mountains
inside i could so feel this music
inside i could so hear these songs
just like bells across the mountains
inside i could so feel this music
inside i could so hear these songs
just like bells across the mountains
so tantalizing . . . but so far away
-- 5 --
but somehow through all those years
this little voice still rang inside
when chapin sang mr tanner
it would cry
you can so feel the music
you can so sing the songs
let us in let us in and
we will be the truth you are
within and without
for you are the channel
that's the role we prepared you for
and yes we are the singers
but it's with you we are karo
yes you are the channel
and together we are karo
-- 6 --
through all the difficult years
somehow hearing that voice
somehow knowing
kept me going until
came the night i finally heard the music
came the night i finally sang the songs
came the night i finally found the key
so elusive all these years
and that key was me
deep inside where i was free
where I’d never stopped believing
that yes i could damn well feel the music
yes i could damn well sing the songs
and not only could i be the singer
but i would . . . yes i damn well would
and that's my truth inside
i've known it all my life
but only come to understand it
but remember i am just the channel
it's they are the songs
I am the voice
they are the singers
yet together we are karo
i am just the channel
and together we are karo
it's they are the singers and
together we are karo
i am just the voice
it's they are the songs
I am the channel
they are the songs
I am the voice
they are the singers
I am the voice
the vault
Just could never feel was the 4th karosong to start channeling. But there are no recordings of the 1.0 version. Further, there are no guitar chords written on the original lyric sheet and there is no memory of the melody.
Bummer eh?
Spokesong (raw) — mid April, 2011 [7]
This was a song that evolved a great deal from the 1.0 version. Sadly, there are few recordings to show this process. This is the most complete early recording, but the delivery has not fully channeled so there are spots where my voice becomes inaudible as I turn inward to work it out.
arc02 / early 2.3 recording — February 11, 2011 [7]
I went back to this song in the spring of 2020 as part of an effort to update all the 2.0 songs. I was having trouble getting complete takes in those days and so would edit takes together to get a lyrically complete version. This is a near single take recording from that period.
arc04 / most complete 2.3 recording — late April 2020 [7]
I've always enjoyed singing this song because it feels as though a very direct connection is being made between the song energies and my inner being. It describes the essence of my relationship to the karo energies.
arc05 / whole/full karo emerging — mid July 2021 [8]
Vocal changes during the second period of the whole/full karo emerging were so pronounced you can hear the difference just four months made.
arc06 / whole/full karo emerging — mid November 2021 [7+]
